The inner workings of an ageing runner
What is motivation?
I ask myself this question a lot. Motivation is ‘the drive that influences action and behaviours, rooted in intrinsic (internal) and extrinsic (external) factors.’
….the drive that influences action and behaviours, rooted etc, etc. Based on these words, I am beginning to question if I am a motivated person, because intrinsically I feel like I’m lacking the inner workings to drive me to move forward.
Day by Day
What is it exactly that gets me out of bed in the morning? For the last few years, there has been an underlying feeling of dread. On top of that I mentally must work hard to shower because the aftermath means applying a presentable outer layer that is seen by the external world (clothing, hair, makeup).
Then if those two actions weren’t difficult enough, I struggle to change into my athletic wear to execute the action this type of outwear was designed for…running & sweat.
Word on the street has you believing, that if you can just get your run shoes on and lace up, get to the front door and open it, that is motivation enough to get your running mojo activated. If after 200m -1000m you’re not feeling ‘it’, then you are close enough to home to turn around before your existential crisis kicks in.
Experience tells me around 500m in to a run, as the morning or day starts to fall away, you feel lighter – you start to find your stride (literally) and the inner dialogue starts to soften; despite the fractured thoughts prior to this moment you feel clarity and calm and enjoyment starts to present itself, hallelujah!
Human Nature
Humanness is layered with all sorts of feelings, thoughts and emotions and to think that you might be immune to these layers means you are not embracing what it is to be human. Despite questioning rising in the morning, an aversion to cleanliness and finding dis-ease in the simplest of tasks like getting dressed and putting shoes on doesn’t mean I am NOT motivated.
Motivation can and will wane; from high to low to pretty much non-existent but learning awareness and using mindfulness skills I have learnt to track the path of motivation to understand that motivation doesn’t mean that I must move with an intention that oozes confidence and admiration each moment of the day. Like the ocean waves, they move in and out in and understanding this, has gifted me a greater understanding of how my own motivation works.
One of the lucky ones
I wonder if by default, I am one of the lucky ones to be a naturally motivated person. Someone who has lived her whole life with the drive to move forward, to not be stuck and on reflection from the outside looking in you could say that yes, this is me.
I’m a doing person, I find it incredibly hard to sit still and be, except in meditation where I honour the practice of stillness. By saying I am a doing person, means I am an energetic person – I am challenging the kinetic energy within to charge both my inner and external world.
Up until age 43, I felt like an authentic ‘doer’. The direction I was heading was clear, I felt uplift, fast, together and I had big personal goals – there didn’t seem enough time in a day to train the way I wanted to train. Why did you have to work to be paid, why couldn’t my motivation enough fund my lifestyle? As a teaching says ‘you are responsible for making your own lunch’.
Cue – Pausing Motivation
Then perimenopause started to work its magic in my body, at first there were just small changes with no conscious awareness – a feeling that couldn’t be seen but boy could it be felt. Then the physical changes crept in weight gain, skin irritations, hair changes, thick ankles and knees…..the strong, invincible body I’d known all my life was suddenly becoming a stranger and along with that, my motivation was waning.
Didn’t give up without a fight
For a good 6 years I became a pro at avoidance; I pushed through with an ignorance that was worthy of a gold medal. I was too young to be growing older and with that, I just kept doing despite the cost. How I wonder was I able to do this? Motivation (with a side of ego and stubbornness too).
You see, motivation does drive you forward even if you find yourself up against a brick wall. Motivation doesn’t go away, it just gets pushed down and silenced by dominate thoughts, feelings and emotions that are always circulating throughout your body.
Out the other side…maybe
Motivation feels and looks a little different at 50 than it did when I was 40 but then again, it looks different at every conscious reflection because I am always changing. I am more aware of changes than I ever have been before in my life. How lucky am I?
I may not be competing in as many endurance races as I did 10 years ago but I am still loving going long – I am highly motivated to keep challenging my body in a way that keeps me moving forward and somewhat intact.
It is a privilege to grow old, to experience the bodies uplift and equally its decline. It’s a privilege to have awareness to notice, to celebrate and to commiserate, that’s the motivating joy of life.
I continue to be motivated to learn life, to understand all that makes up the highs and the lows, the challenges and the awe. It’s not easy and I still have days where I struggle to put on my running shoes and get out the door but when I do, I give myself a high five and congratulate myself on being motivated for that moment. It’s all about celebrating the wins along the way, no matter what they look like.
“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” – Wayne W Dyer
Living the Planted Life
Curious about discovering comfort in motion? Whether it’s enjoying your local parkrun with a smile or tackling the intensity of an ultra-endurance race, I can guide and motivate you to become a Planted Runner. Reach out to find out how.
